The phrase “Be Prepared” is not merely a cliché motto for engineering young Boys Scouts, but also a shrewd sentiment to live by. As women, it is less necessary that we memorize and recite this little saying on a regular basis because an instinctive need and desire to be prepared seems to be ingrained within our natures. Though we may at times be unsure of how exactly we should prepare, we know that preparation is almost always necessary. Our wedding nights are no exception to this rule.
Since we have been speaking in terms of checklists and schedules up to this point, let’s continue in that vein. The first thing that every woman should consider and plan in preparing for her first intimate experience with her husband is the often fear-inducing Premarital Exam. This rite of passage is essential to both the mental and physical health and well-being of every bride-to-be because, as Jana Sund, a certified nurse midwife, explains, “We prepare [you] in ways a lot of girls aren’t prepared at home...we’re very open in talking about the wedding night in a comfortable setting, and it’s a really healthy way for brides to start this new phase in their lives.” Sund further explains that “one of the biggest misconceptions about premarital exams is they’re horribly painful.” She shares that “most of our brides leave saying, ‘Oh, it wasn’t that bad at all!’ It’s not usually painful, and it’s not awkward like you think it’s going to be. We really try to make people as comfortable as we can,” (“Doctor’s”). In other words, despite what you may have heard, premarital exams really aren’t that scary, and you will be glad that you made the effort. So what exactly takes place during a premarital exam? Well, generally they consist of three phases: education, a physical exam, and discussion of birth control options. Every health care provider operates a little differently, but each will make sure to explain the basics of what occurs during intercourse, give you some tips for your personal health and hygiene, and answer any questions you may |
have. Additionally, some providers will allow you to include your fiancé in the education part of the exam. Jana Sund says that at her clinic, she spends “at least 45 minutes just educating the couple on what’s to come, so it can be extremely helpful to have both partners there,” (“Doctor’s”). So, be sure when you make your appointment to ask about bringing your fiancé.The second phase of the premarital, the physical exam, is often the scariest, but also the most helpful. In their book Between Husband and Wife, Stephen Lamb and Douglas Brinley explain that
“the gynecologist can tell [a young woman] if she should be able to consummate sexual relations without undue difficulty. The vast majority of women learn that everything is normal…occasionally; however, the doctor may recommend dilation of the hymenal ring in order for sexual intercourse to proceed properly. Minor surgery to correct an anatomic problem is occasionally necessary,” (Lamb 42). Therefore, though you may be nervous about this part of the exam, it is important to consider the benefits of finding out about any physical challenges you may have with your doctor first, rather than on your wedding night. Sund generally recommends that her patients schedule their exams three months prior to their wedding date, so that everything will be in order when the time comes. However, she also says that a little late is better than never (“Doctor’s”). So, be prepared, and plan ahead. |
Next, and perhaps most important on your intimacy checklist should be to remember that you and your fiancé are both beginners, and though you have done your best to prepare and educate yourself, this will be a learning process. Dr.’s Lamb and Brinley both counsel that “a young man and woman should not worry that they don’t know everything about sex before marriage...keep in mind that sexual intimacy in marriage is a journey, not a destination, and the discovery itself is a memorable part of the adventure,” (Lamb 43). Though they recommend some basic education for both partners, they advise that the couple find sources of a “wholesome nature,” such as
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books or articles prepared by scholars holding the same values as the couple concerning marriage and intercourse, or trusted family members and friends, and that the couple limit their discussions to generalities. They assure their readers that there will be plenty of time for discussion of specifics once the couple becomes husband and wife (44). So, as you are preparing for your wedding day, coping with anxious feelings concerning the night to follow, and even reading the rest of this article, remember that your husband loves you no matter what, he is probably as nervous as you are, and you have the rest of your lives to develop the intimate side of your relationship.
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